The Closed Window

I look in, not out

Of a place where I used to be,

A place of peace and warmth,

Now I stand outside the window

Shivering in the chill of the night,

The fire inside burning bright,

The fire I once started, once sat by,

I see it from the outside, I cry

A place where once there was a need of me,

A place which was once no place without me,

Where I spent my time with ones who wanted me,

People who looked forward to days with me,

Now I fight for them to spend days with me,

I beg them to want me,

A place that is only a place without me,

A place where they have no need of me.

I stand in the rain outside,

The rain pouring down, embracing my tears,

As I remember the embrace of the ones within,

The warmth of their eyes, as they looked at me,

Now the coldness of their gaze cuts just as deep

They wish I were somewhere else,

But I have nowhere else.

To run and hide, I stand and cry.

I look back on what that was,

How they were, and how I was,

I wonder in vain where I went wrong,

The past offers no answers, only questions

Ones I wish had never been asked,

I wonder if it were I who was wrong,

Whether even then, I could just not see,

That which was clear to see.

Now I look in, wishing for them to see

The me behind this sorrowful face,

The me that once was theirs,

The voice that I hide behind my silence,

A silence that speaks more of whats within that anything else,

I know they see, I wish they hear,

But what can they do, the windows still closed,

And shall ever be, to keep out the cold.

The windows closed, but now I see,

My reflection on the glass, looking in at me.

I tear my eyes from that pale shade and look around.

I am inside where it is warm, the fire burns beside me.

My reflection shivers in the glass, the cold outside,

But I am where I always was, inside.

My eyes widen as I realize my mistake,

I close them, a breath I take.

So quick was I to self-pity,

To run and beg for sympathy.

The gazes were never cold, nor was I never needed,

The window was not around them, but me instead.

The window closed to keep out the cold,

But instead it was keeping in the cold.

I open it now, the air flows in, bringing warmth, joy,

The cold gaze was always mine, never theirs.

The window is open now, and shall always be,

The warmth of the room clear for me to see,

The place I thought I was never again to be,

Seems vibrant, joyous to me,

I look into their eyes, and I feel their love,

But there is a task left to do.

I walk over to the window, where my reflection gazes in,

I smile, and it smiles back at me.